


The Wank of the Century

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, Marauders' Era, Romance, Smut, porn without plot/plot what plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 19:51:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5941075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius needs a guinea pig for an experiment, and our poor Remus just can't say no. Raunchy, baby! RLSB Plot? None really. Complete PWP.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wank of the Century

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

He was plotting again, sneaking off to the library to read God-knows- what, but this was more than just average Sirius-sneakiness. The boy was distancing himself, becoming absorbed in whatever scheme he'd come up with now and it was not a good sign.

"I'm worried for his health and ours, really." James said matter-of-factly over a dozing Sirius at dinner, one Friday night. "He's not sleeping properly."

"True. I've woken up more than once to his tossing and turning. I curse the day I ever chose to bunk down beside his bed." Remus said, poking at Sirius' shoulder with his unused spoon.

"Shove off, it's not even light out yet..." Sirius muttered, batting the offending utensil away.

"Whatever he's doing, it's bothering him more than just any sort of Marauder mischief would." James said, joining in poking Sirius with eating utensils.

"Oy! Sirius!" Peter tried, the other boy only grunted in his sleep.

"Dumbledore's stripping at the head table! Run for your LIFE!" James screamed into the comatose boy's ear, only causing disturbances to the other tables.

"No, no...that's not the way to do it." A pause. "Snape's going to bugger you up the arse if you don't get up!" Remus told Sirius. It finally got a reaction.

"I'll bugger you." Sirius garbled, blinking. "Can't you guys leave a mate to sleep?"

"We thought you'd like some dinner with that drool." Remus quipped.

"Ha-bloody-ha." Sirius said, sticking his tongue out at him.

"Are you going to tell us what you've been doing in the library, Padfoot?" James asked, picking at his dessert.

"Nope."

"After Christmas break?"

"Probably not."

"Ah."

~+~

The dorm was dimly lit, quiet except for the scribbling of Remus' quill and his flipping the pages of his text. He sat on his bed with his book spread out before him and a piece of parchment being slowly filled with writing.

The creaking of the door, could only be Sirius, as James and Peter had left that morning to their homes. Remus stayed because of the lack of funds to get to his home and Sirius partly because of Remus and partly because he just didn't want to go to his 'home' for the holidays.

"I need your help." Sirius said immediately.

"With what?" Lupin looked up, one eyebrow raised in curiosity. "Nothing dangerous, right? Or is it that thing you've been meddling with for the past month?"

"It is."

"Are you going to tell me what it is?"

"Yeah, but you have to promise--Marauder's oath--that you won't tell anyone what I'm about to show you." So, it was something serious.

Remus began putting his things away, "I promise, now what is it that's got you in such a tizzy?"

"Sex."

"Excuse me?"

"Sex--I've been...researching some sex--Erm--enhancers?" Sirius had the decency to be embarrassed about his subject. Remus couldn't believe they were discussing this. According to Sirius, his sex life was frequent and fantastic, why would the boy need to make it any better? Was he that sex-crazed?

"And you need me why?"

"You see there's this charm--"

"Oh. Oh no, no, no, no, no. I'm not letting you put some freakish sex charm on me!" Remus yelped, suddenly feeling nervous and twitchy and not just the tiniest bit aroused at the idea. He cowered in his bed.

"Aw, come on Moony! You didn't even let me explain it--"

"Explain." Remus said, his eyes narrowing at his handsome friend. Sirius hurriedly began, fidgeting around the werewolf's bed as he did so, "Well, it isn't sex per se..."

"Per se? You have to give me more details than that. I'm not agreeing to a 'per se' proposal." Remus said, the authority in his tone so much like a professor's Sirius nearly lost his nerve.

"It's wanking! Okay--wanking! I want a spell that did the wanking for me, alright?" Sirius spluttered out.

"WANKING!?" Remus felt bubbles of laughter rising within him, but he shoved them down. Sex and wanking were no subjects to laugh about at seventeen.

"Yes, wanking...but you see...it's very difficult to find any information about it in the library--"

"I'm sure they have several copies of 'You and Your Willie' in the Restricted Section." Remus told the other boy.

"Agh--are you going to help me or not?"

"You haven't even told me what the bloody hell you're doing!" "That's because you keep talking!"

"Fine, fine...I won't make any more comments."

"I had to go late at night because I didn't want to be seen looking up--certain stuff." Remus nodded in recognition, "So, I finally got it figured out to the 't' but...I just need someone to...test drive the charm for me."

"WHAT!?"

"Yeah, Moony, I can't very well do it myself!" "And why not?!"

Sirius gave him a pointed look, "A Wizard never tries his own charm out first without repercussions! I don't want to lose my--Padfoot junior!"

Remus' lip twitched at that, "I'm not testing it for you." 

"Oh come on, it's perfectly safe."

"No, no it isn't! Like you said, I don't need to have certain parts fall off because of your insatiable horniness!" Remus scolded, Sirius pouted.

"Please, Moony? Please? Because I'm your friend, and it will feel really, really good if it works..."

"What's the charm do exactly. I meant step by step."

"It just--" Sirius began turning red again, "It kind of--you know-- pumps your cock for you until you come."

"Does it?" Remus did seem interested now. He was thinking of his friend, Remus told himself, the young man before him had been working endlessly on this, it was obviously something he cared about, even if for the wrong reasons. It'd be horrible to work on a charm for so long, only to not get to use it.

"Yeah, really, and I'm absolutely sure I've gotten everything right. I took parts of other spells to make it work. Like--one that imitates sex with a woman, this one just--causes pleasure, and lots of it." Sirius grinned--no pun intended--cockily.

"Hmm...But, are you sure it's safe?" Sirius' grin widened, he had him. "Perfectly safe."

"Okay...for the sake of science, I'll try it." Remus said, caving in, not just because he was now so horny he could use his dick to cut through a wall, but because the curiosity was really getting at him.

"Great! Okay here's how it should work." Sirius began giving Remus instructions on what the charm was to do. This took a long ten minutes, and Sirius was beginning to act like an impatient expectant father, awaiting to see his child for the first time. "All set?"

"I guess so...But I swear, if this takes off my--"

"You'll take mine, we covered that." Sirius finished, "Just--go on now."

"In front of you?!" Remus' face was flaming red by then. "You can't mean that."

"What? I have to be careful nothing happens to you."

Remus bit down his tongue, at this point, he was ready to wank by hand in front of Sirius he was so horny. All the talk about wanking was getting to him, it wasn't the fact that it was Sirius talking about wanking, of course not, he told himself.

"Fine! Fine! Watch me get wanked by an invisible force, I don't care." Remus gritted his teeth, and shut his eyes, missing the look of heated anticipation in Sirius' eyes. Show time.

Remus whispered the charm, and felt a tingling sensation run down his neck straight to his cock. He gasped with surprise, and his eyes went to Sirius' intense blue ones. The tingling continued in that manner for a few minutes, whispering up and down to his cock, making it harden further.

For a few precious seconds, Remus wondered if he should take off his trousers and pants, but the thought was soon lost when a distinct feeling of suction on his cock knocked all sensible thought out of his head.

"Oh Merlin!" Remus moaned, he'd never thought he'd be an exhibitionist, never thought Sirius would force him to try a wanking charm in front of him either though. This particular idea, would normally have caused pause for thought usually, but the magical suction increased, making him whimper.

"What's it feel like?" Sirius asked tentatively, settling on the bed beside Remus to watch. Another thing Remus would think on later.

"Fucking...good." Remus began to pant, the pull on his long length was intoxicating, and his head was swimming with pleasure. His hips thrusts instinctively into the air, and he hissed through his teeth. With regret, the boy felt a sane thought enter his head.

"When does it--end?" He panted heavily, groaning low in his throat as his hips began to thrust more and he was practically writhing on the bed.

Sirius blinked, his eyes hazy. "W-what?"

"When. Do. I. Come?" Lupin snapped through his clenched teeth.

"Uh..."

"Oh fucking hell." Remus cursed, throwing his head back. "Didn't think that far did you?"

"Well...You probably should just--come. Right?"

"I'm going to die aren't I? I'm going to die from horniness." Remus moaned through the pleasure.

"Best to die happy though, eh?" Sirius said, licking his lips. Undeniably staring longingly at the boy beside him. "You look happy, anyway... It feels nice?"

"Unbelievably nice!" Remus growled, bucking his hips some more. It was all well and good for about twenty more minutes, but at this point, Remus was getting desperate.

"Sirius! I don't--" The sweat was dripping down his forehead in heavy beads, "I don't think I can come!"

Sirius had laid his head down on the pillow, contemplating whether or not to wank himself or not. His reply was garbled and frustrated to Lupin. He lifted his head in time to see Remus plucking at his sweaty trousers and shirt.

"Help--get them--off." The tawny headed boy grunted, he couldn't stop moving, it was a mix of pleasure and pain, and the clothes were just adding to his torture.

Shakily, Sirius rose to his knees and with trembling hands worked at Remus' trousers.

"My pants..." The boy muttered, pulling at his underwear.

With hesitation, Sirius pulled them down too, then the shirt. He had Remus John Lupin naked in his bed. And Sirius realized he might just come in his trousers. When he pulled away, his hand accidentally grazed the throbbing member in front of him.

Remus screamed, "Oh! Sirius! Oh shit...Oh god that was really-- Unghh." His words died on his lips and simply turned into pleasured moans. "Touch me--ah!--please! It feels so--fucking--hot, so--good!"

Ever so carefully, and with more caution than Remus had ever seen him use, Sirius reached a large hand around his erection. Remus had tears coming down his cheeks it felt so good, a choked sob left him.

"Yeah, oh yes...Sirius...Mhmm...Sirrrrius." He slurred his friend's name. Against his will, Sirius' hips flexed forward. He could no longer deny he was aroused by his friend in this situation. "It--" pant, "feels better, when you touch me. I might be able to--" moan, "come if you--touch me." Remus said through the haze of impassioned thoughts in his head.

"Um...Okay." Sirius said unsurely, he began to work his hand up and down Remus' cock, the boy in question screaming out louder and louder.

"Fuck! Just like--that! Yes!" Remus' thrusts sped up, and with inspiration Sirius let go of Remus cock and much to Remus' surprise, took him in his mouth. "Ohfuckyesgodmoremerlinfuck!"

But, it still wasn't quite enough.

Remus' blazing amber eyes locked with Sirius', and with as much control as he could muster, demanded, "Fuck me, Sirius. It might-- finish me up."

"Uhh." Sirius moaned, "I don't think I--"

"DO IT! Fix this!" Remus gestured to his red and swollen cock. "It bloody hurts."

"I share your pain." Sirius muttered, undoing his trousers and shedding the rest of his clothes. Soon there were two very naked and sweaty boys on the bed. "Okay...so how do I...um...do this?"

"Do you need a fucking diagram, Sirius!?" Remus was getting on his hands and knees as he spoke.

"You can't just--do it--you'll get hurt." Sirius said reasonably, already licking his fingers, "Don't ask where I learned this."

"I won't." Remus gasped, taking in a sharp breath as a finger penetrated him. "Oh sweet mother of Merlin."

"Maybe...Are you sure--maybe you should be fucking me?"

"No, what I was thinking was--was the most sexual organs being...Oh, oh two fingers is nice...most organs being stimulated. AH! Oh that's-- ah! Ohhh, just fuck me! Fuck me! Fuckmefuckmefuckmefuckme!" Remus howled, his back arching.

Sirius wasted no time, he slicked his cock up with his own pre-come and positioned himself behind Remus, pressing himself to the other boy's entrance. Remus thrust back towards him, Sirius put his hands with a bruising force on his friend's hips and lifted them up higher.

"SIRIUS!" Remus screeched. And the ebony headed young man let out a low moan and pushed inside. It was...A slow process. It was hurting Lupin, not enough to stop him though, but Sirius could see the pained expressions on his face and it was enough to make him want to stop.

"It's okay...just...do it! I'm not going to break, you moron!" Remus gasped out harshly, his arms shaking to hold himself up.

"Alright--" Sirius sheathed himself inside the smaller boy, groaning in ecstasy as the tight hole clenched around his cock. "Oh...God." Remus was still panting and writhing beneath him, his broad back gleaming with sweat. Sirius had the urge to lick it.

"Gah!" Remus yelled at the feeling of a wet tongue between his shoulder blades. Sirius began biting and sucking on his skin, to distract Remus from the pain. "Move, Sirius! MOVE!" Remus was moving his own hips in little thrusts against his older friend, but he didn't have enough leverage to do much.

Sirius gave in, and began pumping his cock in and out of the warm heat of his friend, angling to hit his friend's prostrate again and again, bringing out screams of utter joy from the young man beneath him. It last for a few long minutes, and they both finally came, screaming out for each other and collapsing weakly onto the mussed bed sheets.

They lay their for awhile longer, before Sirius pulled himself out of his friend, and rolled over heavily beside him.

His mind was blissfully blank and a goofy smile was on his face. He didn't like to admit it, but shagging Remus had always been something he'd wanted to try...a lot. It had been everything and more than he expected.

"That was...The Wank of the CENTURY!" Sirius said finally, laughing to break the silence in the room.

"Did you...Plan that, Sirius?" Remus asked, not offended, but flattered and amused, now that the invincible erection was gone at last.

"Would you hate me if I said, yes?" Sirius asked. 

"No."

"Well, good, but honestly I hadn't meant for that to happen..." Sirius said, lifting a shy arm to wrap around his mate's cooling body.

"S'fine. Can't say I didn't enjoy it."

"Me neither." Sleep, was becoming more important than discussing the position of their friendship.

"Would you mind...again?" Remus asked quietly, his face by now in Sirius' neck.

"NOW?" Disbelief in Sirius' voice, Remus pinched his bum.

"No, you git! Tomorrow maybe or...later..."

"YES. A most positive yes!" Sirius grinned, and for the first time, touched his mouth to his lover's.

While, the two never used the wanking charm again, they did talk about it. Often. Trying to figure out what had gone wrong, and whether it could ever be salvaged.

James and Peter came back from holidays, both a bit heavier and while curious as to what 'The Wank of the Century' was, they did not ask questions. They congratulated themselves on a plot well served, not everyone managed to make an 'anti-come' charm last more than twelve hours...


End file.
